I thought we’d start off with a big one 🙂
Doug and I have been married for 7 years and are both in our 30s. As I’m sure you can imagine, the subject of us having kids is one that comes up quite often.  Most people erroneously believe that the reason we don’t have children is because I’m not healthy enough to carry a child full term, or that my somehow illness affects fertility.
The reality is quite the opposite; many women with ME/CFS or POTS feel better than ever during the pregnancy. Â There is no evidence that the illness affects fertility, or the health of the baby in any way.
For chronically ill parents, the problem isn’t getting a baby, it’s the physical stress that comes with having baby. Most days I can’t take care of myself. Even the idea of driving to and from daycare each day is completely out of reach for me right now, let alone caring for a child before and after the trip.
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Yep! Thanks for writing this. So many people with ME say ‘you can do it if you want it enough’. I don’t know what type of ME they have, but I certainly can’t- not even with lots of support.
I agree! Everyone’s case is so different- I think it has to be a completely personal choice
I totally agree. People don’t realize how heart breaking a decision (or rather, forced circumstantial choice) this is NOT to have a child. Being a mom was a huge goal for me and another thing CFS/ME has stolen from me. I battle, and try and negotiate this decision still at 40 with being ill for 13 yrs now. Without being able to look after myself on some days I think it’s a selfish idea for us to have a child. If motivation to want it enough was all that it took, I’d be cured and a Mother by now….thanks for your post. Nice to know there are others out there with the same dilemma.
Shannon- I’m so glad you mentioned how having a child can actually be selfish when you’re ill. I try to explain this to people and they look at me like I’m crazy! I’m so sorry to hear you haven’t been able to be a mother. I really hate all the things this illness steals from so many people.
I have severe MECFS, completely housebound. Mostly bed bound. My husband and I decided to have a child a few years ago. I got pregnant, felt much better. Gave birth. Crashed like I didn’t know was possible, then 9 months later. Did it again. Now I have a 2 year old and 6 month old. It’s so difficult everyday, even with constant help. But it also saved my life and brought 2 amazing lives into this house. Now instead of just suffering and sadness. There is incredible joy in my home. I felt compromising on my dream of being a mother would mean giving up hope. I know things will be difficult for my children because of my illness. But I also think of the compassion and complete awe of the world around them they will have because of me. I hope they are proud to have me as a parent. Just because I am disabled does not make me a bad parent. My husband and I have found a way to meet all our needs, even from my bed!
Jen, I’m so glad you found a system that works for you. Everyone’s story is so different, so you are completely right to take your future into your own hands and make the most out of it.